Sometimes I want to disappear. Not permanently. Not often. Just for like 2 hours everyday after work before I switch into mom mode. Before I worry about what’s for dinner and if my kid actually needs a bath. Before I can discuss if my girl got sassy with her teacher or danced during circle time when she should’ve been working on her spelling. Before I can pull out her flashcards or her tablet to go over her shapes, colors, and numbers. Before I can nurse the baby and change her diaper. Right before I get “all the kisses” from both girls. Before my husband comes in and tickles the girls and takes his afternoon dump.

I love my kids and my family. I am grateful for the life I live. The way my daughter grabs my face and licks my cheek is nothing short of magical. When the baby coos and drools big ole globs of drool on me, my heart skips a beat. My husband, gives the best butt smacks unexpectedly…just enough to sting for a second and make a loud noise to force the big kid to say, “Hey dad, don’t hit my mom.” Our idiosyncrasies in our house is what really makes it home. Hearing my kid say, “You’re the best cook mom. And dad. And auntie,” legit makes my life worth living. Kids really do say the darndest things.  

But as amazing as everything is, sometimes I miss being just Brittani. I miss nail appointments every other Friday followed up with take out and a bottle of wine on my couch. In silence, I would catch up on missed shows. Let’s not even in mention the impromptu happy hours on a weeknight or the day parties on a Sunday. The romantic dates that didn’t require a babysitter, just a text that read, “be ready by 7:30.” I miss alone time with my husband, back when we actually had time to be alone. Before he was a booked and busy entrepreneur he planned the best dates imaginable.

It’s not common for parents, not just moms to lose a bit of themselves as they go throughout the daily routines. We wake up, we get dressed, we get out the door, work, school, home, homework, dinner, a snuggle or two, bed and then we do it all over again. As happy as we are with our current situation, we have to find time to be ourselves outside of our children. We have to make a way not to lose sight the amazing humans we were before making our tiny humans. I personally, need to find a way for not only me but my husband to be with our tribe outside of the home. We are living the life we prayed for and now it’s time we sprinkle in some individual happiness.

Alexa, play Runway by Janet Jackson